Sure I read Dear Abby sometimes, but it's not for her saccharine advice. No, I just want to see how far off the norm they will go with the fake names they use. You never see:

My husband, "Mike" and my son, "John" always have a tradition of...

Instead it's always something more like:

My husband, "Archibald" and my son, "Xavier" always have a tradition of...

I also kind of wonder why anyone even asks Abby for advice. You have to figure the turnaround time can't be all that great and usually the advice seekers are on a bit of a deadline. It makes you think how many people must be out there reading the paper hoping today is the day Abby finally tells them whether or not they should put down their sick dog.