I was an honor student throughout grade school and high school but there is no way in hell I would ever let my parents put a bumper sticker on their car saying so. (Luckily this wasn't even a practice when I was in school.) What kind of loser has to inform the world that their kid is an honor student? Even worse than that are the "my child is a student of the month at..." stickers. What the hell is that? I have no idea what that means or what one has to do to achieve the honor. What's next a perfect attendance bumper sticker? Of course there is the eventual backlash of "my child could beat up your honor student" stickers or the "my child is the inmate of the month at... correctional institute." I don't know what is more tacky, the originals or the imposters. Come to think of it, I hate most bumper stickers. They never are all that funny. They Calvin pissing on stuff is particularly bad. What's the point of that? There was a guy I used to work with who bought fake bullet hole stickers and put them on his car. I just can't comprehend how stupid this stuff looks. "Badass boys drive badass toys." Yeah, nice Dodge truck you tool. "My other ride is your mother." Please, is that necessary? "Don't like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT SHIT". Really, there should be laws against bad taste.

I'm tired of coworkers pushing their kids school candy bars or Girl Scout cookies on me. When I was a kid I had to go door to door myself trying to sell this stuff. Now I'll go to Target and see a table outside with a kid selling Girl Scout cookies. I think it's pretty inventive until I am approached by the parent who does all the talking. It should be the other way around. The kid should do the sales pitch and the parent should just be there to make sure nothing goes wrong. If a kid asks me I'll buy a bundle, if a parent does I'll pass without guilt.

I think I successfully talked my wife into returning the popcorn popper she received from her mother for Christmas. The popper is still sitting in its box unopened - one month later. My original argument was that we would not use it enough to justify storing it, cleaning it etc. The other day I was on amazon and I looked the popper up. It's average was only 2 stars with pretty much universal disapproval citing how the popper makes soggy popcorn. My wife didn't have much of an argument against that. If only I had been more successful with the breakmaker we've used once in four years, the fondue set we've never used and the food processor that isn't even assembled. The victory is small but it feels good - $50 is still something. Now what can I waste it on?

I was watching G.I. Jane the other day and I was struck by how great Demi Moore looked even with a shaved head. She's truly a beautiful woman both in her prime and still today. Then it got me thinking of Bruce Willis. He has what is known as everyday man good looks - good looks accentuated by a strong dose of charisma. So of course after pondering this, the inevitable comes out... and I know you've been wondering the same thing too...

How could two beautiful people like this wind up with such unattractive kids? It's kind of like on Jay Leno (or was it Conan?) where they take two celebrities and show a freaked out looking picture of what their kids will look like. The only thing is in this case the pictures were kind of accurate. I feel a little bad for thinking that but this will never get back to them, and I know you were thinking the same thing.

I don't care for the phrase, "then we agree to disagree." I can't say why, I guess because the person saying it usually throws a little attitude in with the saying. You can pretty much read their mind by their tone, "I know I'm right, I know you're wrong so let's just leave it at that."

One thing I really don't understand is Nascar Truck Racing. When you think of trucks you don't think of speed, you think of pulling capacity and off-road ability. Off-road truck racing makes sense. Tractor pulls make sense. Take a truck and making it aerodynamic and then having it run as fast as possible (though still not as fast as a Nascar) makes no sense to me. because you are taking away almost all of the qualities that make it a truck.

Another one I don't get is fast-pitch softball. Isn't the point of softball to pitch the ball on a slow arcing trajectory? If you are going to pitch it fast, why not just play baseball and throw the ball faster and overhand? Softball is fine. Baseball is fine but fast-pitch softball seems like a poor blend of the two.

I really don't see why you need a kicker and a punter on a football team. Wouldn't it seem logical that a kicker could also punt well? How could you be a good kicker but not a good punter? I always thought that if you wanted to be one of those parents who pushed a kid at a young age to excel in a sport (like Tiger Woods or Serena Williams), you should push them to be a punter because no one aspires at a young age to be a punter. I figure if you start a kid out at 5 years old, he'll be way ahead of the curve and could have a decent chance of making the pro's if he stuck with it. Then when he makes the pro's he could parlay that into a long career. You have to figure punters have the least expectations put on them than any other professional sports player position. All they have to do is maintain a good average. If the punt gets blocked it's the line that gets the blame. If a pooch punt goes into the end zone, it's a bad bounce that is to blame. Punters are never blamed for anything. Now a kicker, that's a completely different thing. People don't remember the kicks you made, they remember the ones you missed. A punter used to be the field goal kick holder. I think it was just to give them something else to do. They don't even do that anymore. It's usually a backup quarterback now. It makes me wonder what these guys do in practice all day. I can't imagine a more cushy job and it's one they could probably do for 14 years.

My wife and I know a couple who had always wanted to go out to dinner with us so we agreed and went out for a comfortable meal at a local grill. When the meal was done, they insisted on paying for the whole dinner. Of course I refused but they wouldn't hear. I knew what was coming next, "you can get the next one." So for about two months I had that hanging over my head. I finally gave them a call to see where they wanted to go out to dinner. They said a place they knew by them that I had never been to. So my wife and I drove out to their house and we all went out to dinner at this supper club. My friend said it was an Italian restaurant but there was no Italian on the menu. Instead it was five course meals - steak etc. Right off the other couple starts talking about appetizers. Then they order the expensive entrees, and top it off with a couple glasses of wine. Then when they were done they threw in some dessert. The meal they paid for cost about $60. The meal I paid for cost double that. I honestly don't think they intentionally chose a restaurant that cost twice as much, but I believe they should have known better and should have offered to pay at least a portion of the bill.

Winter really brings me down. I arrive at work - it's dark out. I work indoors in a windowless office for 10 hours. I leave work - it's dark out. There's something wrong with going through a full day without a single moment of daylight. Prior to my current job I worked 2nd shift and it really wasn't all that bad. The big negative was working every Friday night. The big positive was never having to use an alarm clock. Every single day for 2.5 years, I woke up when I felt like waking up. That is a great thing.

Last week our internet connection went down at work from Tuesday through Friday. It was like working in the stone age. The hours really dragged on. I actually took interest in the Windows Hearts game that comes with your computer. I played 100 games and kept track of my progress. I came up with a hypothetical ante of $10 per game and a payout of $22 for first place, $13 for second place and $5 for third place. (or a profit of +$12, +$3, break even, and a loss of $10). After 100 games you'd think I'd finish somewhere around 25 wins, 25 2nds, 25 3rds and 25 fourths. Instead I finished with 22 wins, 35 2nds, 21 3rds, and 22 fourths. My best win was 6 points. My all around average finish was 2.43 which is pretty darn close to finishing right in the middle and my money finish based off of the criteria above was + $44. I timed one game and it took my about 8 minutes to complete. That's 13 hours of Hearts gaming or a profit of $3.30/hour.

For some reason, since I've hit 100 games, I've kind of lost interest.

I've got to be honest, the show Extreme Home Makeover kind of gets on my nerves. I almost feel guilty about it but that host, Ty Pennington is pretty annoying with his over-the-top enthusiasm. "Good morning Phillips family!" I understand how they are trying to help families out and I'm all for helping out people in need, but is building them a million dollar house really the solution to their problems?

There's one of those bank thermometers on my way to work and it seems every time I want to know how cold it is, it shows the clock, then switches over to Celsius, then back to the clock and by the time it's ready to show Fahrenheit, I'm already past it. Does anyone really care about Celsius? It's ridiculous that they show both.

I'm not looking for an award or anything but in 16 years of driving, I don't think I've ever used the car horn aside from the friendly, "hey I know that guy" honk. Okay maybe I've done the, "the light is green" quick beep but never any of the other "you're really pissing me off" honks -and it's not like I live out in the country. I lived in L.A. for five years and currently live in Milwaukee. On the flip side, I think I've been honked at maybe once per year at best. I can only conclude that I am likely one of the greatest drivers in the world.

College Football

Last night's college football National Championship game is a perfect example of how college football is superior to pro. The final top 25 rankings however display why college football still has a long way to go with regard to fairness. Take the example of my alma mater, Wisconsin. Wisconsin finished with a 10-3 record after easily beating Auburn in the Capital One bowl. Auburn finished with a 9-3 record, yet the final top 25 rankings has Auburn at 14 and Wisconsin at 15. Now I could understand if their final records were different but considering their records were essentially the same and Wisconsin beat them in a head-to-head matchup, Wisconsin should be ranked higher. It just goes to show that too much of college football is based off of opinions. If they have to do rankings (I prefer playoffs), I think it should be Vegas oddsmakers who do the final rankings. These are guys whose job it is to know which team is better. Coaches and sports writers lack the accurate knowledge of every team's abilities and lack true impartiality.